Relationship Traps of Depression

by John Folk-Williams  Reviewed : Mohammad Ariful Islam

Depression sets relationship traps for both partners. Everything can change quickly between two people, and it’s crucial to be able to spot these changes as soon as possible.

Here are 11 signs of the illness that seem perfectly designed to undo the bonds of closeness. Humor, talking and doing things together, sharing special moments – they’re all gone. In their place are avoidance, anger, blame and isolation.

Two Sides of Depression

Usually, we think of the passive side of the illness with its loss of vitality and despair, but there’s also an aggressive side.

It flares out when depressed partners blame others for what they’re feeling. The person they’re closest to takes the brunt of their anger. The first several symptoms in this list describe these behaviors.

On the passive side, the abuse is turned inward. It’s the depressed partner who’s the center of every problem. They’re self-absorbed to the point of losing the ability to relate to others in a realistic way.

Instead of denial and blaming everyone else for their pain, they focus on their own worthlessness, even to the point of thinking constantly of suicide as the only way out.

Many of these relationship traps converge and become all the more damaging through their combined impact. The specific behaviors can emerge in dozens of different ways, and here I’ve drawn partly on what I did when depressed. The experience could feel very different in your relationship.

The Relationship Traps

1. Irritability.
   Flashes of anger come frequently. Irritability is a constant attitude, leading to criticism and annoyance at trivial things. Money’s being wasted, bills aren’t paid on time, the house is a mess – and it’s your fault. For days at a time, depression can provoke this constant barrage of criticism. Any attempt to probe what’s going on only provokes angry denial.
2. Control.
   When inner feelings are most confusing, depressed partners try to control home and family as closely as possible. They want everything to be predictable. Even the flow of spontaneous feeling in the family can be threatening. They can get furious at minor upsets that violate the sense of order they’re desperate to preserve. That order, however, is completely arbitrary and can vary from moment to moment, depending on their own feelings. The depressed partners are full of tension, and their behavior is torture for the rest of the family.
3. Blame.
   The closer to inner collapse depressed partners feel, the more they blame others for creating their problems. They accuse their partners of ruining their lives and ignoring their needs. They keep lists of their grievances and obsess about the way they’re frustrated at every turn. Their partner is selfish and never tries to help. At work, they’re driving them crazy. Someone else is always at fault. At its worst, this need to blame can turn paranoid.
4. Abuse.
   Contempt and rejection become common. There is rebuke in every glance. Dismissive remarks about their partner’s appearance and attempts at conversation become the norm. With verbal attacks, they try to manipulate partners into believing they’re the ones in need of help and cause them to question their own judgment. At social gatherings, the depressed partners can make cutting remarks and ignore their partners while engaging happily with everyone else. At the worst, verbal abuse can even escalate to physical attacks.
5. Addiction/Escape.
   Trying to escape the pain of depression can lead to addictive behavior. Alcohol can dull all feeling. Drugs, pornography, affairs or fantasies of escaping to a new life can all provide temporary emotional highs and arousal to replace the despair or lack of deep feeling depression can cause. Real intimacy and relationship seem remote and disappear in the need to get away from the reality of the illness. The well partners can’t get through to them and can face angry denial that there’s anything wrong with them.
6. Emotional Withdrawal.
   Suddenly a depressed partner can feel like they’re not there. Physically, they can be present, but emotionally there are no reactions, very little response of any kind. In their own minds, they’re becoming observers rather than participants in daily life. Nothing seems to get through to them. It’s as if they’ve disappeared. A relationship becomes impossible when it’s all one way.
7. Obsessive Thinking.
   It’s often called ruminating, but I prefer to call it obsessive thinking. That gets at the intense anguish that’s part of a compulsive focus on every mistake they’ve ever made. In depression, they can’t stop thinking about what they did wrong today. Or if today was all right, they could summon up that embarrassing or stupid thing they did twenty years ago. Time doesn’t make any difference. The memories of failure, real or imagined, are the most highly charged for a depressed person. They’re always close to the surface and provide reminders every day of how inadequate they are. These thoughts are a constant distraction from any effort to connect with a partner. They’re lost in these memories of everything they’ve ever done wrong and can never set right.
8. Isolation.
   Overwhelmed, unable to face anyone, depressed partners spend a lot of time alone. They may feel a desperate need to get away from everyone. They need space and solitude to hold onto the little energy and spark they have left. Even when not so desperate, they may want to do things alone that they used to do with their partners. They may work all the time and avoid the pressure of being with people. The well partner is deserted. There’s literally no one there to try to relate to.
9. Indifference.
   Sometimes the sense of being overwhelmed or too despairing to face anyone is replaced by the inability to feel much of anything. The partner might say everything is fine, but there is no sense of real connection. Nothing stirs excitement. There’s no interest in sex. They may say they feel fine but have no interest in doing anything. They can be apparently quite sociable and at ease but can’t share anything deep or really make contact. Something is missing inside.
10. Inability to Talk.
    Depression can be so deep that the desire to talk and communicate disappears. The partner might be content to sit and stare for hours. If asked what’s wrong or if they want anything, there’s little response. Or if they’re still active, they may just find it impossible to talk about the depression they’re experiencing. They may say they’re trying to spare their partners the turmoil they’re going through. Or they can feel there is something so monstrous in them that they dare not expose it to anyone close. Nothing inside can be exposed through words.
11. Shame and Worthlessness.
    One of the hallmarks of depression is the overpowering sense of worthlessness. Self-esteem is replaced with self-contempt. An inner voice persuades the partner to think this way: I can’t do anything right, and I’ve never been able to. I’m just too stupid. Everyone else may think I’m fine but they just don’t know what really goes on inside me. My partner couldn’t possibly love an idiot like me. Someone else will come along, someone better, more capable, stronger than I am. It’s only a matter of time before my partner gives up on me and finds real fulfillment with someone else. Nothing will ever work out for me.

It’s hard to imagine a more complete inventory of weapons for destroying relationships. Even one or two would be like poison, but depression often brings them all together. They may not all occur within a single episode, but any of them can arrive without notice.

Thank You for your patience to read this article..

Best Wishes For You.

Special Thanks and Courtesy : Mr.John Folk: Williams

How to use your infinite power.

The "infinite power" of Life:

There is a Napoleonic feeling of power that insures success in the knowledge that this invincible "Life Principle" is behind your every act. Knowing that you have working with you a force which never yet has failed in anything it has undertaken, you can go ahead in the confident knowledge that it will not fail in your case, either. The ingenuity which overcame every obstacle in making you what you are, is not likely to fall short when you have immediate need for it. It is the reserve strength of the athlete, the "second wind" of the runner, the power that, in moments of great stress or excitement, you unconsciously call upon to do the deeds which you ever after look upon as superhuman.
But they are in no wise superhuman. They are merely beyond the capacity of your conscious self. Ally your conscious self with that sleeping giant within you, rouse him daily to the task, and those "superhuman" deeds will become your ordinary, everyday accomplishments.
W. L. Cain, of Oakland, Oregon, writes: "I know that there is such a power, for I once saw two boys, 16 and 18 years of age, lift a great log off their brother, who had been caught under it. The next day, the same two boys, with another man and myself, tried to lift the end of the log, but could not even budge it."
How was it that the two boys could do at need what the four were unable to do later on, when the need had passed? Because they never stopped to question whether or not it could be done. They saw only the urgent need. They concentrated all their thought, all their energy on that one thing--never doubting, never fearing--and the Genie which is in all of us waiting only for such a call, answered their summons and gave them the strength--not of two men, but of ten!
It matters not whether you are Banker or Lawyer, Business Man or Clerk. Whether you are the custodian of millions, or have to struggle for your daily bread. This "Life Principle" makes no distinction between rich and poor, high and low. The greater your need, the more readily will it respond to your call. Wherever there is an unusual task, wherever there is poverty or hardship or sickness or despair, there is this Servant of your Mind, ready and willing to help, asking only that you call upon him.
And not only is it ready and willing, but it is always ABLE to help. Its ingenuity and resource are without limit. It is Mind. It is Thought. It is the Telepathy that carries messages without the spoken or written word. It is the Sixth Sense that warns you of unseen dangers. No matter how stupendous and complicated, nor how simple your problem may be--the solution of it is somewhere in Mind, in Thought. And since the solution does exist, this Mental Giant can find it for you. It can KNOW, and it can DO, every right thing. Whatever it is necessary for you to know, whatever it is necessary for you to do, you can know and you can do if you will but seek the help of this Genie-of-your-Mind and work with it in the right way.

Soul and Inter connectivity with infinity!

Soul is unique, undetectable and immortalized, 

Everything's on soul or Soul is everything…

Quantum Physics is a vastly important area of physics for philosophers. The interconnectivity of all things relies primarily on faster than light communication, specifically the effect on one wavicle of another wavicle at speeds which, when measured in a bee line, appears to be faster than the speed of light. Quantum Tunnelling, some theoretical (and occasionally dodgy) black hole physics, some big bang models and a few other Quantum “effects” including Plurality and Schrodingers Cat theories can all be interpreted to include faster than light mechanics.

Most of these elements are under dispute, with multiple variations and differing interpretations of the effects. For example, there are some Quantum Tunnelling explanations (especially in Super String Theory) that do not require faster than light travel to explain the phenomenon. In short, Quantum theory is still unstable and we continue to make sudden or unexpected discoveries, both in theory and practice.

Most of the theory behind Quantum Souls is dubious . Quantum effects only ever seem to effect individual pairs of particles and not to the holistic universe-wide connectivity that spiritualists dream of….

To be continued…

The Perfect Man

CONCERNING THE PERFECT MAN, 

AND THE PERFECTLY FREE MAN.

The Perfect Man is he who has fully comprehended the Law, the Doctrine and the Truth; or, in other words, he who is endued with four things in perfection; ie. -

• Good words; 
• Good deeds; 
• Good principles; 
• The sciences. 

Continue Reading...

Magic of Life : Source of Magical Power

Nature has provided a veritable magical pantry in the plants which grow all 

over our planet. Since ancient times these plants have been used in magic— 

the practice of causing change by natural (albeit little-understood) powers. 

Though the medicinal properties of plants are fairly well-known—many 

of the most widely prescribed drugs are synthesized versions of substances 

originally derived from plants—their occult powers are less accessible. Much of their magic still lies in the shadow of secrecy. 

Our ancestors knew that plants had mysterious, magical powers. Although the magic in herbs has been forgotten by many, it has never disappeared. 

Return to the days when nature spirits dowelled in sacred groves and fairies 

danced in flower gardens. Inside this article you'll find magical uses for hundreds of plants: 

• String a garland of marigolds above your door to keep evil from entering your home. 

• Bury Vivian around your house and in your house plants—wealth will flow and the plants will thrive. 

• Carry a bag of orris root to attract love. 

• Drink rosebud tea before bed to induce prophetic dreams.

The Powers of Herbs 

How does it work? When people discover I'm a magical herbalist, this is one of two questions asked. The other usually refers to my state of mental health. Nonetheless, the first question is a valid one and has never been satisfactorily explained. 

The basis of herb magic—and all magic—is the power. This power has worn many names and forms through the centuries; at times even its existence was kept secret; at others it was common knowledge. The power is that which generated and maintains the universe. It is the power that germinates seeds, raises winds, and spins our planet. It is the energy behind birth, life, and death. Everything in the universe was created by it, contains a bit of it, and is answerable to it. 

In other words, the power is the life-force, the stuff of creation. It is the very substance of existence itself. The power as I see it has no name. It has been deified and anthropomorphized into a thousand-thousand Gods and Goddesses, spirits, demons and other unearthly beings. It has been only partially explained in the terms of 

science, which today is still "discovering" some of its aspects. The power has 

played an important part in the evolution of the human race, for better or 

worse. All religions have tapped into it using different symbols and rites, and 

all magicians have wielded its powers. 

Above the ritual and religion and magic the power exists, changeless in its 

eternal change. The power is in everything, and everything is in the power. 

(One of the problems of some modern religions is that they assert that the 

power is outside us, and not within.) Call it what you like, visualize it as you 

may, the power really is the power.

Definition: Magic is the practice of causing change through the use of powers 

as yet not defined or accepted by science. 

I can cause change by accepted means (by calling a friend on the phone I can 

find out how she's doing); this is not magic. But when I do not have access to a 

phone, or my friend does not answer, I can make a sachet of thyme, yarrow, and 

bay, tie it around my neck, still my mind and, using my herb-fortified psychic 

powers, discover if she is all right. This is its practicality: magic can be used 

when no other means are available. 

What methods are at the disposal of most people to guard their homes 

against theft? How can a lonely woman attract a love into her life? In what 

manner, beyond visiting doctors and buying medicines, can most people aid 

their bodies to combat illness? 

Most people would not know how to answer the above questions save in 

the most physical ways: a lock, a new perfume and bedrest may be suggested 

as solutions. These are fine starts, but they can be supplemented with surer 

methods—they can be backed up with magic. 

Magic is useful for solving these, and other common problems, but it 

becomes indispensable when dealing with occult matters. Need a glimpse 

into the future? Make a tea of rosebuds, drink it directly before going to bed, 

and remember your dreams. Or, wear some deer stongue wrapped in yellow cloth. Do you believe you're the target of a hex or curse? Doctors will direct you to the nearest psychiatrist; Witches and Magicians will tell you to sprinkle red pepper around your property and then bathe in mimosa flowers. Magic has many (but not quite all) of the answers. 

There is an important point running through these words: magic, however 

simple it might seem, provides practical solutions to problems. 

The power behind herb magic is formless, shapeless, eternal. It doesn't care 

whether you call on it in the name of a Witch Goddess or the Virgin Mary—or 

tap it within no religious framework at all. It is always there, present in abundance no matter where we are or where we travel in the universe. 

Though the power is formless, it takes on many forms: a wildebeest has the 

power, so does a computer, or a dandelion. Some materials contain higher 

concentrations of the power than others; these include plants, gems, and metals. Each substance also contain different types of power, or vibrational rates. 

The vibrations of a piece of pine wood, for example, are far different from 

those of a perfect, faceted diamond. 

This vibratory rate is determined by several factors: chemical make-up, 

form, density, and so on. The powers resident in herbs are determined by 

the plant's habitat, scent, color, form, and other considerations. Similar sub-

stances usually possess similar vibrations. 

Herb magic, then, is the use of herbs to cause needed changes. These plants 

contain energies—each as distinct as human faces. For maximum effects 

the herbs chosen for a spell should possess vibrations that match your need. 

Cedar is fine for attracting money, but wouldn't be of help in a fertility spell.

To practice herb magic you must know the powers of the plants. This book 

contains that information. To fulfill a need, just manipulate the herbs to give 

their powers direction. It is that simple. 

Herb magic is easy because the powers (i.e., vibrations) lie in the herbs 

themselves. No outside forces need be called into play, for the power is resident within the organic matter. A few simple procedures are all that is necessary. These "rites" include tying knots, boiling water, lighting candles, sewing 

and burying things in the Earth. More important than its simplicity, perhaps, 

is the fact that herb magic works. 

How does it work? First, there must be a reason to call upon magical powers. This reason is a need. A desire often masquerades as a need, but in magic 

a "desire" is not enough; there must exist an all-encompassing need. 

The nature of the need determines which plants are used. Attracting love, 

for example, is a common magical need and several dozen plants do the job. 

Next, a spell or ritual may need to be devised; much herb magic doesn't 

need a complete spell but some of it does. This spell may be as simple as tying 

up the herbs in a piece of cloth, or placing them around the base of a candle, 

lighting the wick, and visualizing your need. If you wish, your spell can be 

complex, involving boiling water in a cauldron over a mesquite-wood fire at 

the edge of the desert while waiting for the Moon to rise, before throwing 

roots and leaves into the pot. All-purpose spells are included in chapter 3. 

Third, the herbs can be enchanted to ensure that their vibraions are attuned to the need. 

Fourth, the spell is worked, in complete confidence and secrecy. Not that 

magic is anything to be ashamed of, but rather because mocking glances and 

disbelief only serve to cause you to doubt yourself and hinder your magic's 

effectiveness. 

Fifth, once the spell has been worked, it should be forgotten. This allows 

it to "cook" and bring your need into manifestation. (When baking a cake, if 

you look into the oven every few minutes the cake will be spoiled. In magic, as in cooking, keep the oven door shut!) Attempt to forget the spell completely. 

And there you have it. This is how herb magic is worked. Does it sound basic? It is. These are the first steps. As with any art 

student may take magic further, exploring strange corners. Sensibly, few wish to venture too far from this familiar, homey magic. There are dark ways in herb magic as there are in every aspect of life. Those who wish to pursue such paths, to wreak havoc and control or kill other human beings, shall receive the heavy penalty 

for negative working. 

The power is neutral. It cannot be divided into positive and negative energies. Power is power. 

It is our responsibility as Magicians (wielders of the powers) to work with 

it toward beneficial ends. We need not become ascetic or saints to help others, 

or to improve our lives. All we need do is use herbs in loving ways. 

Magic, as it was understood in long-ago days, was a divine act. This is liter-

ally true; in magic we become one with and utilize the power, which has been 

fashioned into a multitude of deities. 

It is an awesome feeling, and a greater responsibility, this wielding of power. 

The moment it is used for negative ends, divinity quickly flees. However, 

when magic is used for positive ends our lives become richer and happier. 

When one embarks down the dark path of negativity, the suffering this causes 

to others spills into the Magician's life until, in the end, he or she is utterly destroyed. 

Dramatic words? Perhaps—but their essence is true. 

For this reason, no 

negative magic is included in this book. But to those who desire to help them-

selves and others with the old ways of herb magic, welcome!

Bangladesh! My Bangladesh!

Bangladesh

Nothing ain't fresh
Smells like a hot summer day in Bangladesh!
You may think you're doing fine but you've crossed the line Can't find fresh
Like my desh!

You may be a beauty queen
but your smell like swine
That ain't fresh
No that ain't fresh
like my Bangladesh!

YOUR FORCES AND HOW TO USE THEM

মনে আছে কি?

আপনি কি মনে করতে পারেন?

আগে নয় খুব বেশি,
আমরা নির্মল সুখে পায়চারি করেছি , 

মনে আছে?

সমস্ত, একে অপরের প্রতি যত্ন ছিল,
সাহস ও তরুণ্য ছিল,
রাতের উষ্ণতা ছিল,
একান্তে হাতে হাত,
সুবাস বয়ে যাক ।

একটি চুম্বন,
একটি বন্দুক ফায়ার,
প্রয়োজনে সব,
প্রয়োজন সবার ।

হৃদয়ের গভীরে... Limitless deepest in heart

অতি অবাক শান্ত

অতি অবাক তুচ্ছ জীবন

খবর শুনি নিত্ত খবর

যখন তখন দিচ্ছে কবর।

আয় রোজগার করতে গিয়ে

দর কষাকষি জীবন নিয়ে।

তুচ্ছ জীবন, দামি টাকা

পদতলে জীবন চাকা

মাটির নীচে পড়লো চাপা

দেহ হৃদয় মন সকল তাজা ।

হায়রে জীবন, মরণফাঁদে

রক্তাত গায়ে সূর্য কাঁদে॥

... ... ... ... ... (শান্ত)